I don’t know why ladies wasting their
money on hair style ,nails ,make up
.Because guys only look at the booty.

Sometimes whenever i hit the “like button”
it doesn’t mean i like the post, i just like to
hear the sound: **WHOOPA**

POLICE OFFICER: “Sir, I don’t understand.
You lost the credit card a year ago, why are
you reporting it now?”
MAN: “The thief wasn’t spending nearly as
much as my wife used to…”
POLICE OFFICER: “But why report it now?”
MAN: “I think the thief’s wife got hold of it
now.”

*I’ve not eaten the whole day because I
had no money – fortunately I met my
pastor and asked him for some money at
least,2 bond for sadza and mazondo. The
pastor prayed for me instead, and told me
God will make a way. He added he would
have given if he had. As he removed his
handkerchief while he was going, his R50
dropped and he didn’t notice. Should I give
the money back to the pastor or it’s God
who made A WAY?* *Please post your
answer.Thanks.*

Pastor found a baboon that could talk. So
he taught it how to sing, pray and preach.
At one Sunday service, Pastor says to
congregation, “The Baboon is going to
pray today.” The Baboon sat still and the
Pastor repeated but the Baboon did not
respond. After the service pastor asks,
“Why didn’t you want to pray when I
asked you to?” Baboon says, “Was it
necessary to say baboon? You could have
at least said Brother Babs!”

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed,
told her a story and listened to her prayers
which ended by saying: “God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and
goodbye Grandpa.”
The father asked, “Why did you say goodbye
Grandpa?”
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it
just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day grandpa died. The father
thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to
bed and listened to her prayers which went
like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless
Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The next day
the grandmother died.
“Holy Moley, thought the father, this kid is in
contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going
to bed the dad heard her say: “God bless
Mommy and goodbye Daddy.” He practically
went into shock.
He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the
crack of dawn to go to his office. He was
nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and
watched the clock. He figured if he could get
by until midnight he would be okay. He felt
safe in the office, so instead of going home
at the end of the day he stayed there,
drinking coffee, looking at his watch and
jumping at every sound.
Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh
of relief and went home. When he got home
his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so
late, what’s the matter?”
He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve
just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day?
You’ll never believe what happened to me.
This morning the mailman dropped dead on
our porch!”

All salary people must read this:—–
After 4 years of selfless service, I realized
that I had not been prmoted, no salary
increment, no commendation.
So I decided to walk up to my HR Manager.
The manager looked at me, smiled and
asked me to sit down saying: “My friend you
have not worked here for even a single day.”
I was shocked to hear this !!!, but the
manager went on to explain, and here’s the
conversation that took place.
Manager: How many days are there in a
year?
Me: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?
Me: No sir.
Manager: How many days are there in a year
that are weekends?
Me: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to
104 days.
Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104
days from 366 days. how many days
do u now have?
Me: 262 days
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Me: 24 Hours.
Manager: How long do u work in a day?
Me: 10am to 6pm
(i.e 8 hours a day.)
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u
work in hours?
Me: 8/24
i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of
262 days?
Me: 87
(1/3 x 262 = 87days)
Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave, 15
days casual leave, 5 days optional leave, 30
days earned leave every year. Now remove
that 64 days from the 87 days left. How
many days do u have remaining?
Me: 23 days.
Manager: Do u work on festivals ? (20 days)
Me: No Sir!
Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on
Independance Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Me: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do you come to work on New
year’s day..?
Me: No sir..!!
Manager: So how many days are left?
Me: None Sir!
Manager: So what r u claiming?
Me: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise
that I was stealing company
money all these days.
Moral – NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
(HR-HIGH RISK.)
.
.
.
So, How many days do you work ?

WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH A WOMAN IS
REALY STRESSFUL
Wife: which teams are watching?
Husband: arsenal vs manchester united
Wife : oooh wonderful ! I love arsenal..
Husband: thats a good team…
Wife: is drogba playing?
Husband: he doesnt play for these teams…
Wife: okey sweeet…is that chris brown?
Husband: [bored] no he is chamberlain…
Wife : okey but they look the same…what’s
that yellow card for?
Husband: its a warning to the player… After
few minutes rooney scores for manchester
united….
Wife: [cerebrates in high mood] is that
chamberlain who has scored?
Husband: [calmly] no its rooney for
manchester united…!!
Wife: [furious] how? it should be arsenal
who shouldhave scored!!
Husband: [silent]
Wife: what is that red card for?
Husband : [bored] that means the player
should go out of the pitch for his
misbehaving…
Wife: then is he going to be a coach?
Husband:[unwill?ing to answer]
aaaaaaano…
Wife: its the same with traffic
lights ;yellow=warning? ,red=danger.
Husband: exactly darling ….
Wife :what about the green card? Husband:
mmmm nothing of that kind in a field of
play….
Wife: I want arsenal to win the world cup…
Husband: [silent]
Wife: who is that man standing
who looks like mr bean?
Husband: [bored] it’s the arsenal coach
….arsene wenger.
Wife: that means the other opponent’s
coach is manchest wenger?
Husband: [changes the channel]

It’s hard to be a man
No make up, no weave…If you are ugly, you
are ugly