A person is a person but when he enters;
● In hospital he is called a patient
● In a taxi he is called a passenger
● At school he is a student.
● In stadium he is a fan
Question, what is that person called when he enters a toilet??

Old Doctor and A Young Doctor.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”
The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you’ve been eating & see if that does the trick?”
As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine tht woman? How’d you come to the diagnosis so quickly?”
“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick.”
The younger doctor said, “Pretty clever. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn’t have the energy she once did and said, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”
“You’ve probably been doing too much for the church,” the younger doctor told her, “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”
As they left, the elder doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she’s very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?” “I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope &, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the priest under the bed.”

TEACHER: “Why didn’t you study?”

STUDENT (NYAA) “A year has 365 days for you to study.
After removing 52 Sundays, there are only 313
days left.
There are 50 days in the summer that
are way too hot to work so there are only 263 days
left.
We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that
counts up to 122 days so now we’re left with 141
days.
If we fooled around for only 1 hour per day,
15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days.
We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are
used in this way each year, and so we are left with
96 days in our year.
We spend 1 hour per day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days.
Personal health and medical reasons take up at
least 35 days in your year; hence you are only
left with 46 days.
Taking off approximately 40 days
of holidays, you are only left with 6 days.
Say you actually cook for 3 days each year; you’re left with 3
days in the year to study!
Let’s say you only go out for 2 days… you’re left with 1 day.
But that 1 day
is your birthday.

That’s why I did not study.”

“Teacher: Class dismissed.”

One word for Nyaa?

A good laugh: On Sunday, I was sitting in a church my friend invited me to, and when it was time for the offering, the offering plate was passed around. The Pastor made a request for gift offering so I still hurriedly and secretly pulled out $20 from my pocket and dropped it in the offering plate. Just then, the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a $100 bill. I smiled, how generous, then majestically I looked around and put the $100 in the plate and passed it on, then I turned and thanked the man seriously for being so generous. He replied “don’t mention it; be more careful next time, it fell from your pocket” Whaaaat???!!!!!…….usher please wait wrong Transaction!!!!!!!!

A very successful Nigerian man parked his new lexus in front of his office ready to show it off to his collegues, as he got out a trailer passed too close and completety tore off the door, the man immediately grabbed his cell phone, called the police, and they arrived. before the officer could say anything the man was scereaming hysteriacally, my lexus!, my lexus!, will never be the same again no matter what the panel -beater did to it, the officer just looked at the man in disgust and shook his head, i cant beleieve how materialistic you are, he said, you are soo focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else. how can you say such a thing? asked the man. dont you know that your left arm is missing from your elbow down, it must have been torn off when the truck hit you……….., oh my God replied the man, “MY ROLEX” wrist watch.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the Staff passed out.