There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn’t swim.
When a boat came by, the captain yelled, “Do you need help, sir?”
The preacher calmly said “No, God will save me.”

A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked,
“Hey, do you need help?”

The preacher replied again, “No God will save me.”
Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “Fool, I sent you two boats!”

CONFUSION is when Ur parents tell u that Sex before marriage is a sin but u appear in their wedding pictures..

A grade 2 kid was coming from school he entered the taxi and he started singing “if my father was a King my mother will be a Queen and I’ll be a Prince”
The taxi driver silenced the kid but the kid continued “if my father was the President my mother will be the First Lady and I’ll be the First Son”
then with anger the taxi driver asked the kid “what if your father was a robber what will your mother be and what will you be”
and the boy said “if my father was a robber my mother will be a prostitute and I’ll be a taxi driver

I am a 30 year old single guy, hard working and self motivated.

Am seriously looking for a beautiful,black and strong
Laptop to buy.

A moment of silence for people who were born on 29th February in this group….coz this year has nothing like 29th Feb….So how will you wish them ??
HAPPY DELETED BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE or what??

No matter how clever you think you are,
but when a 3 year old kid gives you a toy phone,
you will talk to it .

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he kicked open a bottle, and, guess what? Our dear, friendly neighbourhood genie pops out! So, as you know, he had to give her a wish;
“I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”

The genie granted the man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love — which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Genie, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.

Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The genie replied, “My dear, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You’ll have to wait 9 months, though.

You got pregnant last night!”

CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAD MAN AND A NORMAL MAN*

*Normal Man:* Why is that you people (mad people) always laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about?

*Mad man:* Its because you people don’t see what we see.

*Normal Man:* What do you people see?

*Mad man:* Have u ever seen an ant breastfeeding it babies? Or dogs having a marriage ceremony?

*Normal Man:* (Burst out with laughter..) Hahahaha!!! (and accidentally puffed)

*Mad man:* See how you are laughing and puffing now without even seeing anything.. what more will you do if you see those things? Obvious!! You will need pampers!